Aftermath of a Tragedy
by sofia-lindsay
Summary: JJ and Emily work through the aftermath of New York: Femslash, smut, minor character death none of the main cast


**Title:** Aftermath of a Tragedy  
**Author:** sofia-lindsay  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairing:** JJ/Emily, past mentions of JJ/Will  
**Disclaimer**: As always, if I owned the characters, we'd be watching instead of reading  
**Rating: **NC-17 (its drama/angst and Smut. With smut being in the lead)  
**Warning: **Semi-spoiler for the finale. Character Death (although most won't mind a bit)  
**Summary: **JJ and Emily work through the aftermath of New York.  
**AN: **Yes, the mention of the death of a character is in here. I think most of you will be thrilled (that sounded so wrong…). I do address JJ's baby, and I will admit it's not my finest idea. I didn't see another way to get around it. I also think the pairing section above is the first time I haven't referred to boy toy as "Crawfish," I must be getting ill.  
**AN2: **Thanks to my two betas for this fic (yes two, because I wasn't sure about it). Darkbardzero. I know I've probably blown your inbox up this week… my muse is just on overdrive!! But this is the piece of smut I promised you a few days ago. Cmbfs, thanks for also beta'ing.

Emily sighed as she felt the sleeping blonde toss and turn restlessly next to her. She knew better than to wake her; JJ needed her rest. Three months had passed since the explosion in New York. Three months since Emily had felt fear like she had never known before. Three months since she had sat in the sterile hospital room, praying for JJ to wake up.

It had fallen on Emily's shoulders to be there for the younger woman since Will had died from the blast. Knowing the blonde needed a friend, coupled with the fact JJ wouldn't let her out of her sight for long periods of time, made her request for time off from work. Something Hotch quickly approved. She could handle being there for JJ in her time of grief; it had put a barrier between the two of them that she was almost thankful for.

However, late one night, after several glasses of wine, JJ had confessed she never loved Will. She had put off on marrying him, delayed making decisions regarding their relationship, and refused to give in to his overprotecting wants. Emily had learned that the BAU was never to know about him, but when the younger woman learned she was pregnant, things had changed and he felt the need to stake his claim on her.

As much as it pained the profiler, she knew she had to listen when JJ spoke of him, of time they had shared together. When JJ had been told she had lost the baby, she had held her. In her mind, she separated her own desires of wanting to love the younger woman, to make her forget the pain in her own way, from that of just being a friend.

But now, Emily knew the only way JJ would settle down into restful sleep was to reach out and hold her; to let the blonde cuddle into her neck with her head resting over her heart, unknowingly sending Emily's hormones into a frenzy. Before she could do so, JJ began whimpering in her sleep.

_Another nightmare _Emily thought, quickly reaching out to wrap her arms around the shivering woman.

"You're safe JJ, I won't let anything happen to you, I swear," she whispered into soft hair, surprised when she found herself pulled tighter to the waking blonde.

"Emily?!"

JJ's frantic cry was torn from her throat as she tried to bolt from the bed, Emily's strong arms being the only thing that kept her from doing so.

"JJ, honey, what's wrong? I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," Emily began stroking the blonde tresses in an effort to calm the frightened agent.

"It was you…"

The tears fell from the blue eyes, as Emily looked at her with concern. Often, she would wake to JJ caught in a nightmare, her own personal hell, but the blonde would never speak of the dreams.

"What was me?" She asked confused, "Jay, I'm right here. I haven't left."

A distraught JJ buried her head in the warm neck, resting her lips against the brunette's pulse point and frantically shook her head, "It was you…not Will."

Somehow Emily instinctively knew they were talking about more than just the nightmare, "Honey, what are you talking about? Talk to me please, I don't understand. Make me understand."

She wasn't prepared for the blonde to pull out of her arms and turn over so she could stare out of the window.

"In my dreams before, it was never Will I was with. I always wanted you, but he was handy. Now, the nightmares…it's never Will. It's always you."

A weighty silence filled the room, until Emily found her voice, "What do you mean?"

A sigh came from the younger woman as she took the chance to look at the brunette, "Please don't hate me Emily. I've lost so much already; I couldn't bear to lose you too. I never wanted to marry him. It's always been you that I see myself beside. The baby…"

With one hand, Emily brushed away the tears that fell from the baby blues as JJ took the other in her own and found the strength to continue her confession.

"As bad as it sounds, ever since the conversation on the plane…you with a child, I could see it. A child with your eyes. I was so happy I was pregnant, despite not being happy with Will. But I _so_ wanted to see a child with your eyes running around. I wanted to share all of that with you."

The admission hit Emily like a ton of bricks. JJ was in love with her. She had to be to openly admit to wanting to have her child, didn't she? As realization sunk in, for once in her life, Emily Prentiss found herself speechless.

JJ pulled her hand away and turned her back to the profiler.

"If you want to go, I understand; I'm sure you'd like to get back to your condo. Just _please _don't make me watch you leave, and don't tell me goodbye."

Feeling Emily silently slip from the bed, JJ bit her lip to keep from crying. She could manage without Emily; she had done so quite well before the profiler had joined the BAU. Turning her face sideways into the pillow, hoping to hide her face from Emily as she walked out of the room, JJ didn't see Emily kneel down next to the bed.

"Jayj, I could never walk out on you. Never think I would. You surprised me though. I had no idea you felt anything for me. Please honey, look at me."

Emily waited until the blue eyes locked onto her own and reached out to brush blonde strands away from the pale face, "Please, understand that I will never walk away from you for what you do or don't feel. You've been through a lot recently, and part of me fears this is just grief talking. If this isn't real for you, I couldn't the pain it would bring to both of us. You're not alone JJ, we're all going to be here to help you through. Especially me."

"I'm not just saying this because I'm afraid to be alone Emily!" JJ cried out angrily, "I've grieved for Will. I grieved for him as a friend, because that's all we ever should have been! Forgive me if I can't make myself mourn him for a year! And I still can't bring myself to grieve for my baby, but that doesn't effect how I feel for you! How dare you suggest I'd use you just so I wouldn't be alone!"

Reaching out in an attempt to calm the younger woman, Emily was surprised when JJ roughly pushed her away and rolled over to face the other direction.

"JJ, don't be like this. That's not what I meant and you know it! I just don't want you to do anything or say anything you'll regret later, when things might be a little clearer."

"Just go Emily, let me be alone for awhile. I need to be alone."

Emily sighed and walked from the bedroom. There was no reasoning with the blonde when she was like this, and anything said would be blown out of context. Hopefully, the young woman would fall back asleep Emily mused as she took up residence on the sofa and closed her eyes. Less than five minutes later, she was sound asleep.

"_Em!!"_

The profiler was pulled from her sleep by a scream. Shaking her head to orient herself, she quickly realized JJ had once again screamed in her sleep. In seconds she was standing in the door of the blonde's bedroom, their argument still fresh on her mind. She was torn between letting the blonde be and going to her and holding her.

She tried to turn away, really she did, but the whimpers coming from the blonde stopped her. Sighing, she walked towards the bed and stretched out next to JJ, wrapping her in her arms as the blonde turned her way and buried her face in Emily's chest.

JJ slowly became aware of the warm arms holding her tightly and the way Emily's body was wrapped protectively around her. The fact her face was currently buried in the other woman's cleavage didn't go overlooked either. She distinctly remembered asking Emily to leave, and yet here she was.

_A nightmare. I must have had a nightmare. That's the only reason she'd be holding me like this._

But JJ remembered her dreams. She remembered very vividly how dream-Emily's hands had traced her skin, how they had pressed inside her as soft lips attacked her neck. And she remembered plainly how Emily had made her scream.

I must have screamed…she took it as a nightmare. But she's here; she came even after I told her not to. Oh fuck logic. Skin…I need to feel skin…I want my dream.

Without letting Emily know she was awake, JJ nuzzled deeper into her chest; well aware of the sharp breath the brunette took as well as the arms holding her tighter. Slipping her tongue out, JJ finally tasted the skin she had longed for.

"JJ…Are you awake?" Emily whispered, wondering if the woman was awake or just dreaming. Although what kind of dream she would have to make her lick her, she didn't want to contemplate.

"Uh huh…" JJ slipped her hand under the back of Emily's shirt and, scraping her nails across the small of her back, was pleased with the shiver that coursed through the profiler.

"Jay... what are you doing? Please…don't…"

The warm hand had moved to the front of her shirt now, and Emily knew her control wouldn't last much longer. She wanted JJ. She had for way too long, and now for JJ to be offering her everything she'd ever wanted…Emily wasn't sure if she was strong enough to deny it.

JJ's finger's moved up to rest just below Emily's breast, as she pulled back to look her dark eyes that were made impossibly darker by desire.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop. It's not grief…I want you. And only you. I think you want it too, but if you tell me to stop, I will."

Emily bit her bottom lip, "I can't…I can't tell you I don't want it. I want you so bad. But we can't do this now. You're recovering and I don't want to hurt you. Your ribs are still healing."

The blonde smirked as she let her fingers move over a round breast, pausing only to gently pinch the hardened nub.

"It's been three months. You won't hurt me. I don't want you hard and fast…this time around. I want gentle, slow making-love. What we both deserve. If you can stand the sight of the scars, I mean, I know they're still pretty raw-looking and…"

Dark eyes slid closed as Emily slid her hand through the soft hair, bringing their faces closer together.

"JJ shut up and kiss me."

All it took was a nanosecond of their lips together for both women to realize they needed more. Pulling back, they quickly rid each other of their clothes, before Emily pushed JJ down on the bed and hovered over her. She had seen the scarring left over from the explosion when she had changed the bandages, and knew the younger woman was self-conscience about them.

"If I hurt you at all, tell me. I'll stop. I want all of you, but if it hurts you, we'll wait." _And please, let it be me your thinking of and not him…_

Emily pushed the thought to the back of her mind as she gently kissed her way around the scarring, careful not to put pressure on them, as her finger's played with hardened nipples. She raised her head slightly when a hand tangled in her hair and pulled. JJ was looking at her, obviously torn between letting her worship her stomach and wanting to hide it.

"You're beautiful Jennifer, please baby, don't think otherwise."

A faint blush tinted JJ's cheeks as she shook her head, "Please Em, ignore my stomach. I need you. I need you in me…I've wanted it so long…don't tease."

Any doubt in the brunette's head that told her she was a replacement vanished in the emotions in JJ's pleading. Skimming her hand down the lean body, she groaned when she reached her destination. "God baby, you're so wet."

"It's you…only you. Please…babe please…" JJ's brain was shutting down, leaving her with few monosyllable words and a lot of begging.

Locking eyes, Emily smiled before leaning down to kiss the prone woman, sliding two fingers into her at the same time. Swallowing the other woman's moan, she gently bit the plump bottom lip as she let her thumb brush over the blonde's slippery clit while moving her fingers agonizingly slow.

"Is this what you want hon?"

"Damn you Emily. You're not going to hurt me." JJ snapped, giving Emily what was known by the team as "Jareau's death glare."

The profiler smirked, "Oh I know that… I just wanted to give what you wanted…slow and gentle I think was what you said."

"Baby, I love you… I really do. But if all you're going to do is that, I'm going to have to do this."

JJ snaked her hand down and slid three fingers into the brunette. Grinning when she heard her lover moan, she very slowly started pumping them in and out of the brunette's core.

"Oh fuck. Jay please. Faster babe please." Emily begged while speeding up the pace of her own fingers.

"There ya go," the blonde teased, matching Emily thrust for thrust and leaning forward to deeply kiss her lover.

Silence fell over the room as the only sounds that could be heard was moans, whimpers and the sound of the headboard hitting against the wall. Biting down briefly on Emily's shoulder, JJ tore her mouth away as she stiffened.

"Oh god Emily…I'm going to…Emily…Em…. oh god… EM!!"

Hey now! That sounded like earlier…Oh god, oh god!

The thought barely registered in Emily's mind as she followed JJ over the crest of her orgasm.

"JJ…love you…Jayj," she mumbled incoherently, trying to gain her balance again.

Their sweaty limbs were intertwined, neither of them having the energy to move. Being the first to recover, JJ reached out to brush dark matted hair off the profiler's forehead before kissing her softly.

"You okay Em?"

The brunette nodded, "I'm better than okay. Are you? I mean, I didn't hurt you did I?"

JJ smiled, "No hon, you didn't."

They laid in silence for a few minutes until Emily bit her lip, "Can I ask a question?" Feeling the blonde nod, she continued, "Earlier after you threw me out and fell back asleep, you screamed out for me…but it wasn't 'Emily' you called for…you screamed 'Em.' The only time you've ever called me Em was just now in bed…"

At that, JJ had the good graces to blush, "Um… yeah, about that…it wasn't a nightmare, and let's leave it at that."

Emily chuckled as she rolled onto her back, pulling JJ down with her into her usual position. After moments of quietness, she was sure the blonde had fallen asleep on her shoulder, and allowed her mind to roam freely to the past events from the previous months. Thankfully, JJ didn't remember much from before, or after the blast. Emily had scoured the files to find all she could about it.

"You're thinking about New York, aren't you?" a soft voice cut through her train of thought. Emily nodded, hoping JJ would let the subject go.

"I was going to name the baby Elizabeth, if it had been a girl."

It was a topic they had never discussed much, and Emily had known the impact of loosing her baby was still pressing on the blonde. Holding JJ tighter against her, Emily kissed the top of her head, buying time to think of what to say. It wasn't everyday her new lover admitted to wanting to name her child after her. Luckily, JJ spoke again, saving her from the uncertainty.

"Will could sense there was something unresolved between us. He would have never agreed to Emily as a middle name. He wasn't even going to let me have a say in the godparents. I prayed the child would look like me, so I didn't have to think about the father...about what I did with him. I had no intentions of marrying him; I just wanted a warm body. And all of this makes me sound so cold after what happened. I secretly hoped that after the baby was born…"

"Honey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

JJ propped herself up so she could look at Emily.

"I need to. I don't want secrets between us. I want a relationship with you, and this makes me feel so, I don't know, cheap I guess."

"JJ, there's nothing cheap about you. You…" Emily's words were cut off by JJ's finger against her lips.

"I hoped after the baby was born, you'd hang around more. Maybe we would have gotten together. Maybe we could have even raised it together, if you had wanted to. And eventually, have our own family."

Emily's eyebrow went impossibly high as the significance of the blonde's words hit her.

"Oh."

"Yeah," JJ countered.

"We could still have that, ya know. If you wanted," Emily chewed on her lip as the confusion appeared on the other agent's face, "We could eventually have our own family if you wanted. Not anytime soon, I definitely think we need to talk things over eventually, but one day we could."

JJ just smiled, "I want that, and before you start doing that profiling you're so good at, no, this isn't a reaction to losing my own baby. You're not a replacement, and I'm not looking for a replacement family for what I lost."

"I'm not…"

"And don't try to deny it, I know your mind too well Emily Prentiss!"

JJ lessened the harshness of her words with a kiss and Emily immediately tangled her hands in soft blonde hair.

"Mmmm… Jayj?"

"Yes babe?" JJ managed to get out in between kissing her way down Emily's neck.

"Does this mean we're up for round two?"


End file.
